Wisdom at Work by Chip Conley

Author:Chip Conley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2018-09-17T16:00:00+00:00

EQ FOR DQ

In the past, “connected” at work meant you had an overstuffed Rolodex. Today, it means that you have multiple technological mediums through which to communicate. But while contacts—and ways of reaching them—have their value, the true definition of “connected,” which is an empathic capacity to resonate with others, is often lost in the shuffle. And this can result in missing the human gift of an in-person conversation. This face-to-face form of connection teaches us eye contact, how to concentrate on what the other person is saying sans multitasking, and how to read body language. And because your sixth sense is typically far more attuned in person, this also improves the capacity for empathy and intimacy, and even the fine art of intuition. Our mirror neurons get to play together when we’re sitting across from each other.

Many Modern Elders can read humans like a musician can read sheet music or scales. Many young people, on the other hand, can read the face of their iPhone and understand its inner workings better than they can read the face and emotions of the person sitting next to them. Studies show millennials check their smartphone 153 times a day while boomers do so only 30 times. The result is that while millennials might be highly proficient in the use of emojis to express an emotional state, they are missing out on the interpersonal, face-to-face connection that creates true emotional fluency. And beware in your hasty texts on your smartphone; the “?” is just left of the “!,” which can mistakenly turn a question into an angry exclamation in terms of how it’s received. Efficiency can lead to deficiency, right?!

At Airbnb, I was surrounded by digitally savvy folks who might not realize that being “emo savvy” could be just the thing to help them grow into great leaders. So a question started to form in this old technophobe’s head, Will you trade me some of your digital intelligence (DQ) for some of my emotional intelligence (EQ)? Although I never made this ask directly, this implicit trade agreement created collateral benefits for both me, as I learned how to become more fluent in tech, and the younger folks I worked with who learned how to be more fluent in human interaction. I learned more about Snapchat and WeChat and my younger colleagues learned how to do old-school chitchat.

Early in the film The Intern, young CEO Anne Hathaway doesn’t want Robert De Niro as her personal intern because this Modern Elder is a little “too observant.” Yet being “too observant” is part of what helped me succeed at Airbnb. It allowed me to create what Stephen Covey called an “emotional bank account” with those I worked with. I don’t care if you’re in the B2B, B2C, C2C, or A2Z world, all business is fundamentally H2H (human to human), and EQ becomes more important the more responsibility you have in an organization. Your emotional contagion grows the higher you are on the org chart.

Interpersonal skills like collaboration and empathy have a huge impact on team and company results.

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